I’ve been sitting on that phrase awhile. Without fear or favor. It has rolled around in my mouth like a Luden’s Wild Cherry Lozenge¹ — soothing yet insignificant as a cure. I first heard it on NPR during the confirmation hearings of the Honorable (now Supreme Court Judge!) Ketanji Brown Jackson:
"I decide cases from a neutral posture," Jackson said. "I evaluate the facts and I interpret and apply the law to the facts of the case before me without fear or favor, consistent with my judicial oath.
Without fear or favor stayed with me as I drove north on 2nd Avenue toward I-235 upon hearing it in the car, well over one month ago. It stayed with me as I picked you and your brother up from school. Presumably when I made dinner, when we practiced spelling words or watched a “calming show”² after dinner, and when we walked up to brush your teeth, turned on the Encanto Soundtrack³ and read a few books before bed.
It stuck with me when I sat in the Atlanta airport sipping impromptu Sauvignon Blanc with Lisa-Marie. It stuck with me in a lonely and/or haunted hotel room in New Orleans and it remains with me as a quote on one of my (roughly 17⁴) open Google tabs.
It sticks with me today.
Earlier this week I joked in a text “sweet margaux carries the burden of being both particular and undecided (the cruelest gift she inherited from me).” It wasn’t entirely true — I often times marvel at your ability to be certain: strawberry milk when given the choice, Sam A. always, and soft socks or no socks. But for a somewhat lighthearted second, this unintended gifting makes me think of the three fairies in Disney’s version of Sleeping Beauty: Flora grants her the gift of beauty, Fauna grants her the gift of song and Merryweather lessens the curse Maleficient bestows upon her.
Imagine a story instead, where the good fairy’s gift is not beauty, but an offering of bold fearlessness. Or a red fairy whose wand doesn’t sparkle with song, but choices made without granting favor. Imagine a storyline in which ________________.⁵
Today, on your seventh birthday, a day full of waffles with strawberries and whipped cream, a second place ribbon in faux state fair grape stomping after school, last minute mini chicken pot pies and a cookies and cream ice cream cake, I wish for you no less than one million things. I wish you’ll always feel the love and support your father and I have for you. I wish your bond with your brothers strengthens without end. I wish your kind empathetic heart only grows stronger in its empathy and its kindness. I wish your creatively remains as unmatched as your sense of adventure, that you’ll choose curiosity over certainty and that you continue to find the words to stand up for yourself. I wish for you that you’ll write your own story, slay your own dragons and decide your own fate.
But mostly, I wish you a lifetime of making decisions made without fear or favor. At seven and always.
Happy Birthday to my sweet, strong, seven year old girl.
Misc. Addendums:
¹ Fact: Luden’s Wild Cherry Lozenges are sold on candystore.com, alongside Lemon Drops and Life Savers Candies. They’re that ineffective. Also oddly expensive.
² This can include but is not limited to: nature shows, cooking shows or Bluey.
³ Dear Readers: We’ve switched to Mary Poppins. No longer do we talk about Bruno, no, no, no.
⁴ Current count: 21. Upon publish, 20.
⁵ We all need different things. Some of us can even express what it is — without fear or favor.